(Forthcoming Book: From the Principal’s Desk – A Journey of Lessons)
a. Understanding Your Child’s Educational Journey
Dr Arun Prakash
Not long ago, while I was away from school on some work, we conducted a virtual interview for a teaching position. The candidate was a young, energetic woman who had spent several years in the corporate world. She had recently moved to Bhubaneswar with her nearly three-year-old daughter, who was just about ready to start school. As she explored her options for schools, she came across ours and was intrigued by the idea of not only enrolling her daughter but working here as well. And so, the interview was set up.
We discussed her background, her qualifications, her experience in the corporate world, and her life in bustling cities like Bengaluru. She had no experience in teaching, but she was eager, well-spoken, and full of energy—qualities that, in my experience, can be perfect for pre-primary classes, which was where she was interested in working.
Curious, I asked why she was so keen on teaching pre-primary. Her answer was simple: she didn’t have much experience in other areas of education and thought it would be best to stay close to her daughter, to better understand her needs and the best school environment for her. Fair enough, I thought.
Since there wasn’t much to delve into about pedagogy or the latest developments in pre-primary education, I decided to explore her thought process a bit further. “What’s your vision for your child’s future?” I asked. Without missing a beat, she replied, “There’s nothing wrong with being a topper, is there? My daughter should excel in everything—dance, painting, languages—you name it. She should be a true multitasker, just like me.”
Now, I’ve heard this before, from many parents. They want their children to achieve everything they themselves have, and more. Children, it seems, are often viewed as vessels for their parents’ unfulfilled dreams and aspirations. Is that wrong? Certainly not. Every parent wants the best for their child—a future filled with success and happiness, a life where all opportunities are available to them. Who wouldn’t want that for their kids?
Her response reminded me of another interaction I had, this time with a young single mother who had come to enrol her child in our school. I make it a point to meet every parent who brings their child to us, to understand their aspirations and dreams for their little ones. This mother had clearly been through her share of storms, but now seemed calm and stable. Her words were simple yet profound: “All I want is for my child to be happy. “Whatever he chooses to do, whatever he’s capable of, I will support him. It’s his life, and he should live it according to his own dreams, not mine.”
Now that was something refreshing—a stark contrast to the typical parental ambition to mold children into multitasking dynamos. Her perspective echoed one of the most powerful poems I’ve ever come across, On Children by Kahlil Gibran:
“And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to us of Children.
And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.”
I think that captures it perfectly. As parents, we love our children deeply, but we must remember that they aren’t here to live out our dreams. They belong to the future, a future we can’t fully comprehend. We may want to guide them, but we can’t dictate the path they will walk. The future is unpredictable, and so is the journey our children will take. Who knows what careers will exist by the time they grow up? Some of those professions haven’t even been invented yet.
It reminds me of a famous quote, often attributed to Mark Twain (though there’s no definitive proof he actually said it): “I never let my schooling interfere with my education.” In my case, this was more of a literal truth. My schooling was so passive, so non-existent, that it didn’t stand a chance of interfering with my education! We had no homework, no assignments, and no one was really checking to see if we learned anything. But what we did have was freedom. Freedom to explore, to read whatever we could find, to work out sums in our own way. It was a bit like growing wild in a jungle—each of us taking our own path.
Of course, this “wild” approach didn’t work out for everyone. Out of a group of 400 students, maybe one or two managed to graduate. And yet, some of those classmates of mine were incredibly bright, perhaps even brighter than me. It wasn’t intelligence that determined our fates—it was our environment.
I often wonder why my siblings and I, along with a few others in our immediate family, managed to do reasonably well in life while most of our schoolmates didn’t. It certainly wasn’t because we had higher IQs. I remember a girl in my class who was exceptionally bright, yet she couldn’t continue her studies beyond class five. What made the difference?
The answer, I believe, lies in the values my father instilled in me. My father was a brilliant man, although his own education was cut short after class twelve due to family responsibilities. Yet, he understood something fundamental—that education was the only true key to success in life. Nothing else mattered as much, and he made sure we understood that.
My father couldn’t complete his studies and had to join the workforce after finishing intermediate school. However, his passion for reading never waned. A voracious reader at heart, he later enrolled in college alongside my sister and graduated with her. His commitment to education didn’t stop there—he went on to earn a Master’s degree in Ancient History and even pursued a Bachelor of Laws (LL.B.), all while juggling his job. After retirement, he joined the bar, bringing a wealth of knowledge and experience to his legal practice.
Whenever he came home, which was rare due to his work, he would sit me down and tell me stories. These weren’t just casual tales. They were carefully selected stories from the Jataka Tales, Panchatantra, the Ramayana, the Mahabharata, and many other scriptures. Through these stories, he instilled in me a deep respect for knowledge and values. He would say, without ever lecturing, that education is everything. Those words stayed with me, and they shaped not just my life, but the lives of my siblings as well.
My father’s unwavering belief in the power of education is what made all the difference. It wasn’t just about getting good marks or passing exams—it was about the belief that learning would open doors to a better future. And that belief has stayed with me to this day.
So, what’s the moral of the story? It’s simple: instill values, foster a habit of excellence, and give your children the freedom to explore their own path. Stand back, monitor from a distance, and give a gentle push when needed. That’s all it takes.
Understanding your child’s educational journey is not simply about knowing what subjects they study or how well they perform on tests. It’s about comprehending their growth, development, emotional well-being, and the unique path they take through learning, both in and out of the classroom. As parents and educators, the role you play is pivotal, yet delicate—requiring balance, patience, and insight into what truly helps a child thrive.
This chapter will explore various aspects of how to understand your child’s journey in education, drawing insights from leading experts in the field. Let’s embark on this journey together, with wisdom from modern research and timeless advice, to better understand how you can guide and support your child.
- Recognizing Individuality: Every Child is Unique
One of the most important realizations for parents and teachers is that every child is different. Children learn in diverse ways, and their experiences, talents, and challenges will vary. Paul Tough, in his book “How Children Succeed: Grit, Curiosity, and the Hidden Power of Character,” reminds us that “what matters most in a child’s development is not intelligence, but the strength of character: grit, curiosity, self-control.” Understanding your child’s educational journey requires recognizing their individual strengths, weaknesses, and personality traits.
Parents must resist the temptation to compare their children with others, be it siblings or peers. Instead, celebrate the unique qualities and talents they possess, whether in academics, creativity, emotional intelligence, or problem-solving.
- The Role of Mindset in Learning
The foundation of your child’s success lies not just in their abilities but in their mindset. Carol Dweck’s seminal work “Mindset: The New Psychology of Success” introduces the concept of the growth mindset, which is crucial for every parent to understand. According to Dweck, children who believe that their abilities can grow with effort are more likely to overcome challenges and succeed in the long run.
As parents, fostering this mindset starts with how you respond to your child’s successes and failures. Instead of saying, “You’re so smart,” try saying, “I’m proud of how hard you worked.” This shifts the focus from innate talent to effort, reinforcing the idea that learning is a process. Encourage your child to view mistakes as learning opportunities, not failures. This approach helps them to persist through challenges, promoting resilience.
- The Emotional Landscape: Nurturing Emotional Intelligence
John Gottman, in his book “Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child,” emphasizes the importance of emotional intelligence in a child’s education. He writes, “Emotion coaching is the key to raising happy, resilient, and well-adjusted kids.” Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage emotions—not only one’s own but also those of others.
Your child’s educational journey is filled with emotional highs and lows. They will experience moments of frustration, anxiety, joy, and pride. As a parent, helping them navigate these emotions is just as important as helping them with homework. When your child is upset about a poor test score or a conflict with a classmate, instead of jumping to solutions or criticism, start by acknowledging their feelings: “I can see you’re really frustrated right now. Want to talk about it?”
Emotionally supportive parents create a foundation for children to develop resilience. This resilience, more than any single grade or test result, will carry them through their educational journey.
- The Power of Encouragement Over Control
In “The Self-Driven Child,” William Stixrud and Ned Johnson argue that autonomy is key to a child’s success. They write, “We need to help kids develop a sense of control over their lives, which is a major factor in their emotional and academic well-being.” Understanding your child’s journey also means understanding that they must, at some point, take ownership of it.
Encouragement should always be stronger than control. Many parents, in an attempt to help their child succeed, inadvertently take over their education. They dictate study schedules, decide which subjects to focus on, and even choose extracurricular activities. While involvement is essential, so is giving your child the room to make their own decisions.
Allow them to take responsibility for their learning. If they choose to focus more on art than math, respect that choice, but guide them to understand the balance they’ll need in different areas of life. When children feel in control of their decisions, they become more motivated and engaged.
- Creating a Love for Learning
One of the greatest gifts you can give your child is a love for learning. As Madeline Levine points out in “Teach Your Children Well,” “Raising kids who thrive is more about nurturing their capacity to learn and engage with the world than about focusing solely on grades and achievements.”
Education is not just about academic results—it’s about fostering curiosity, creativity, and a love of discovery. Start by encouraging exploration outside of traditional academics. If your child is interested in dinosaurs, spend time with them researching or visiting a museum. If they love music, encourage them to experiment with different instruments.
Celebrate effort rather than outcome. Instead of solely praising high grades, praise the process of learning. “I saw how hard you worked on that project—I’m proud of the dedication you put into it.” This helps children see learning as a rewarding and joyful process, rather than a task to complete for approval.
- Supporting Struggles: Letting Your Child Fail Gracefully
Jessica Lahey’s book, “The Gift of Failure,” highlights the importance of allowing children to experience failure. She writes, “Children need to fail. Parents need to let them.” As difficult as it may be, allowing your child to struggle is a crucial part of understanding their educational journey.
When parents swoop in to rescue children from every mistake or challenge, they unintentionally send the message that failure is to be feared. But failure is a powerful teacher. It builds resilience, critical thinking, and perseverance. When your child faces difficulties—whether it’s a failed test or a social conflict—resist the urge to immediately fix it for them. Instead, guide them to find solutions on their own.
Offer support by asking questions: “What do you think you could do differently next time?” or “How do you feel about what happened, and how can I help you move forward?” This approach helps your child develop problem-solving skills and builds their confidence to tackle future challenges.
- The Influence of Home on Education
In “Simplicity Parenting,” Kim John Payne advocates for creating a calm, structured environment at home, which he argues is key to fostering focus and learning. He writes, “By simplifying a child’s daily life, we can protect their childhood and provide a nurturing space where they can thrive emotionally, socially, and academically.”
The home environment plays a significant role in a child’s educational journey. A chaotic, overstimulated home can make it difficult for children to concentrate and engage with their studies. Simple changes—reducing screen time, setting up a quiet place for homework, or keeping a consistent routine—can create an atmosphere that encourages learning.
Payne also highlights the power of fewer distractions. By cutting down on the number of toys, activities, and media exposure, children can focus more deeply on their studies and other meaningful activities.
Walking Together in the Journey
Understanding your child’s educational journey means more than just knowing what grades they get. It means tuning in to who they are, what they need, and how they learn. It requires a balance of support and autonomy, patience and guidance. As a parent, you are not just a bystander; you are a partner in this journey.
As Amanda Ripley states in “The Smartest Kids in the World,” “The role of parents is to support learning by encouraging curiosity and nurturing a child’s emotional resilience, allowing them to explore, fail, and grow.”
With the wisdom of experts and your instinctive love for your child, you can provide the guidance, encouragement, and support that they need to flourish, both academically and personally.
Painting Curtsy: “Mother and Child” by Kahlil Gibran
Coming Next: b. How to be involved without being overbearing.